Category Archives: LIFE SKILLS WIKI

Introduction:

Many people are part of our lives; some are family, others are friends and yet others are people we work with. Some of these people are part of our lives without choice (co-workers) and others we can choose (friends). We have many roles including son/daughter, husband/wife/partner, brother/sister, friend, co-worker and many more. Our life roles are important and we need to think about them consciously.

Skill Definition:

• I know my life roles and have goals or plans to support them.

Key Learning Points:

• We all have many roles in life, e.g. son/daughter, brother/sister, friend and many more. When we consciously think about these roles we are in a position to better fulfill them and enhance our relationships.

Faith Worldview:

• Nothing at this time.

Learning Path:

• Make a list of your life roles (use the worksheet below).
• Determine the importance of each role, consider ranking them from highest to lowest.
• For each role partner, have a discussion about 2-way expectations or needs.
• Seek a way to add value to the relationship recognizing each will be personal and unique.

Deeper Topics:

Tips:

• Talk to your role partner about expectations or obligations. Keep it simple.
• Keep your mind focused on the role you are playing at the current time.
• Make sure your weekly schedule balances yours according to your goals and priorities.
• You have to “invest” in relationships.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Contact Tony Aloise for the Life Roles Exercise as part of the Mentor for Purpose series.
• See Life Roles Exercise (see worksheet below).
• Taking Inventory About The Roles We Play by Phylameana lila Desy on About.com
• Know Who You Are on ThePopeandtheCEO.com. 3 exercises.

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• The above exercises can easily be adapted.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• What is the most important role in your life? Why? How do you fulfill this role today? What can you do to better fulfill the role and potentially improve the relationship?
• What expectations does the other person have of you? Are they explicit?
• What obligations do you have?
• How do your bring value to the relationship?
• Is the relationship working for you? What would the other person say?
• What actions can you take to improve the relationship?

Tools and Templates:

• Life Roles Worksheet.
• Vision and Goals by Role.
• Competencies for Performing Life Roles on roghiemstra.com

Word Definition:

• Role: The usual or expected function of somebody or something, or the part somebody or something plays in an action or event. The part played by somebody in a given social context, with any characteristic or expected pattern of behavior that it entails. Synonyms: position, function, responsibility, job, task, part.

LSN Blog (250 Words):

•  I am a husband, father, son, brother and more!

Web Articles:

• Life Roles and Figuring Out Who You Are by Kristen on KristensGuide.com
• What are your roles in life? by Steven Aitchison on stevenaitchison.co.uk

Books:

• None at this time.

Videos:

• Five Life Roles by Joseph Tan on YouTube. He suggests we have 5 life roles, each with a video: Person, Provider, Proclaimer, Partner, and Parent.

 Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• None at this time.

Other Quotes:

• “I woke up one morning thinking about wolves and realized that wolf packs function as families. Everyone has a role, and if you act within the parameters of your role, the whole pack succeeds, and when that falls apart, so does the pack.” – Jodi Picoult

One-Point Lesson:

• Relationship Mapping.

Related Skills:

• Listening.
• Communicating Constructively.

Summary 2-page Lesson Examples, contact Tony Aloise:

• Roles (handout).
• Roles (with instructor notes).

 

Introduction:

Mentoring is a value-adding relationship process where a person supports another’s growth. Mentors build people up and pull them toward their own dreams rather than push them. Relationships are not based on expectations, instead mentors seek to understand and support the mentee’s life purpose and goals. While coaching and sharing of personal experience is important, it is more about listening, reflecting and guiding.

Skill Definition:

• I can assess a mentee’s needs (listening, probing) and then offer perspective (knowledge, tools, resources) to support the mentee’s growth.

Beyond this high-level skill definition, the Mentor for Purpose program suggests the following key mentoring skills:

• Be Available Attentively. Uses active listening; is “in the moment”, concentrating on the needs of today.
• Ask Powerful Questions. Asks open-ended and insightful questions, causing the mentee to think.
• Make Empathy a Habit. Places themselves in the situation of the mentee allowing feeling to be transmitted.
• Offer Insightful Affirmations. Offers positive feedback on a character trait, skill or accomplishment.  Help people see their “treasure”.
• Discover Vision & Goals. Uses a Vision & Goals Worksheet using “heart, mind, body and soul” as a context.  Goals are set.
• Uncover Beliefs. We become what we think and believe.  If we uncover our beliefs, we can choose to change them.
• Talk the Truth. Gives constructive feedback.  Be direct when needed to see reality.
• Support Decisions Based on Principles. Helps identify the key principles (or values) that lead to a preferred decision.  Show that choices have consequences.
• Use the GROW Model. Can use a coaching model to guide the entire mentoring session.  GROW = Goals, Reality, Options/Obstacles, Will/Way Forward.

Key Learning Points:

• Mentoring is a way to help someone reach their potential because encouragement and feedback are essential for growth.
• A mentor should focus on the purpose, goals and needs of the mentee, not try to impose a personal value system.

Faith Worldview:

• Role modeling Jesus is an incredible way to think about your mentoring relationship. Ask, what would Jesus do?

Learning Path:

• Read the book, The Heart of Mentoring (see the book list below).
• Talk to someone who is a mentor and discuss their experiences.
• Join an organization that uses mentoring in their program. This is a good way to get initial training and ongoing coaching.
• Become acquainted with the Life Solutions Network life skills wiki.
• Attend the Mentoring 101 Workshop if possible.
• Explore different mentoring styles and learn to adapt to each unique individual.

Deeper Topics:

• Relationship Process. A good mentoring relationship seeks to inspire more than coach (but both are important). Here are some characteristics:
  • Active listening for understanding and relationship building. This helps to identify focus areas and discover strengths.
  • Affirmations to reinforce character strengths and build confidence.
  • Constructive feedback to encourage growth.
  • Advice on options for important personal decisions (rather than directing to a preferred solution).

The right process is what works for you. Typically male-to-male or female-to-female, meeting on a set schedule (maybe monthly) in as setting that is comfortable yet effective for private conversation.

• Characteristics of a good mentor. Mutual trust and respect, listening, “heart” (caring, empathy), life or work experiences. See Characteristics of a Good Mentor or Coach for more.
• Mentoring at work or in life. There are many life roles that have the opportunity to mentor including parents, managers or friends. These roles are broader than mentoring but hopefully regularly include it. Everyone deserves a mentor.
• Mentoring vs Coaching.  Mentoring is a relationship-based process, pulled to goals set by the individual.  Characteristics include inspiration, motivation, and information.  Coaching is push-based and skill-driven based on external needs.  Characteristics include performance, capability, and training.  A typical mentoring session might include both.
• Structured vs, unstructured mentoring. Unstructured mentoring starts with asking the mentee about their needs.  The intent is to focus on adding immediate value for the topics of their importance. There is no planned agenda. Structured mentoring is usually focused on a topic and can be supported by reference material, e.g. spending some focused time on time management or goal setting with an intent to build a skill.
• Types of mentoring. Responsible mentoring can take many forms: traditional mentoring (one adult to one young person); group mentoring (one adult to as many as four young people); team mentoring (several adults working with small groups of young people, in which the adult-to-youth ratio is not greater than 1:4); peer mentoring (caring youth mentoring other youth); and e-mentoring (mentoring via email and the Internet). Source: Mentoring.org.
• GROW Model.  The GROW acronym stands for Goal, Reality. Obstacles or Options, Will or Way Forward.  It is a process to guide a mentoring conversation.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• None at this time.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• Why do you want to mentor?
• How could mentoring be helpful in your own life?
• What life experiences and capabilities do you have that enable you to be a good mentor?

Tools and Templates:

• Mentoring Principles and Skills Assessment.
• GROW Model Worksheet.
• Mentor Self-Assessment (teacher context) on assist.educ.msu.edu

Word Definition:

• Mentor. Noun: an experienced and trusted adviser. Verb: advise or train (someone, especially a younger colleague). Synonyms: life coach, guide, confidant, advisor.

 Web Sites (Reference):

• Mentoring.org The National Mentoring Partnership (MENTOR) is the champion for expanding quality youth mentoring relationships in the United States.
• Search Institute. Search Institute® has been a leader and partner for organizations around the world in discovering what kids need to succeed.

Web Sites (Articles/Short Stories/Essays):

• Formal vs. Informal Mentoring at Work (Characteristics of a Successful Mentor) by Susan Heathfield on About.com
• Habits of Highly Successful Mentors & Mentorees on Management-Mentor.com
• Asking Powerful Questions on PositivePsychology.com
• GROW Model on Wikipedia.

Blogs (250 Words by Life Solutions Network):

• Everyone Deserves a Mentor.
• Mentoring vs Coaching.
• Purposeful Mentoring Defined.
• We Can All Mentor…Everyday.
• The Language of Purpose.
• Creating Caring, Influential Relationships.
• Mentoring Is a Core Life Skill.
• Offer Insightful Affirmations.
• Be Available Attentively.
• Choices Have Consequences.
• Asking Powerful Questions.

Books:

• The Heart of Mentoring by David Stoddard
• Mentoring 101 by John Maxwell
• Mentor Like Jesus by Regi Campbell
• Center for Coaching & Mentoring Book List

Videos:

• How to be an effective Mentor by DonHoweSuccess on YouTube
• GROW Model on YouTube.
• Coaching and the GROW Model on YouTube.

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17
• “And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” – 2 Timothy 2:2

Other Quotes:

• “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “I am not a teacher, but an awakener.” – Robert Frost

One-Point Lessons:

• None at this time.

 Related Skills:

• Life Purpose.
• Visioning.
• Goal Setting.
• Listening.
• Communicating Constructively.

 Workshops and Lesson Plans:

• Contact us to get free access to our Mentoring 101 slides and lesson plan.

Introduction:

There are many reasons to consider a home or small business, e.g. desire to be more independent of a boss or corporation, flexibility to supplement income or maybe it’s simply been your dream. Businesses takes various shapes including home business, on-line business or physical “store”. Regardless of the reason and type, taking the first steps requires careful planning. The typical new business started in the United States is no longer in operation five years after being founded (source).

Skill Definition:

• I can assess my entrepreneurship skills.
• I know the steps to startup and have given them appropriate thought and planning.

Key Learning Points:

• Starting a business requires significant resources including personal skills, a competitive idea and financing.

Learning Path:

• Borrow or buy a good book as a primary reference. Find one focused on your business-type if possible.
• Review the many resources on gov.
• Develop your business plan. Engage key resources in this plan to get critical input.
• Find a mentor or coach who has run a successful business. Have a heart-to-heart talk.

Deeper Topics:

• Characteristics of Entrepreneurs. Adapted from Is Entrepreneurship For You? on SBA.gov
  • Comfortable with taking risks and making decisions with uncertainty.
  • Trusting your instincts.
  • Persuasive with partners, suppliers, customers and employees.
  • Able to negotiate purchase of materials and services and contracts.
  • Creative in taking advantage of new insights.
  • A strong support system is in place including a mentor.
• Steps to Starting a Business. Adapted from 10 Steps to Starting a Business on SBA.gov
  • Write a Business Plan.
  • Get business assistance and training.
  • Finance your business.
  • Register for business name and taxes.
  • Obtain Business Licenses & Permits.
• Barriers to Starting.
  • Personal Skills. There are many skills needed but to start the list…communicating, negotiating, project management including estimating and planning, time management, goal setting, self-discipline, leadership and marketing.
  • Financing including initial capital needs such as equipment or facility and sufficient emergency funds to carry you through 6-12 months. Consider starting your business part-time while you are working at a “regular” job.
  • Competitive product concept. All too often, a good idea can be copied so it needs to be patented if possible.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Take the 12 Question Quiz on About.com

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• See above.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

From 20 Questions before Starting on SBA.gov

• Why am I starting a business?
• What kind of business do I want?
• Who is my ideal customer?
• What products or services will my business provide?
• Am I prepared to spend the time and money needed to get my business started?
• What differentiates my business idea and the products or services I will provide from others in the market?

Other questions to think about…

• Do you have experience that can be leveraged?
• Is there competition?
• Are there barriers to entry, licenses or degrees?
• What is your growth vision, e.g. have just a local presence or franchises and what are your income requirements?
• Am I willing to be in uncomfortable situations?
• Have I done the necessary research?

Tools and Templates:

• Business Startup Checklist on CorpNet.com
• Assess Your Entrepreneurial Skills on MVP.cfee.org

Word Definition:

• Entrepreneur. A risk-taking businessperson: somebody who initiates or finances new commercial enterprises.
• Business Plan. A business plan is a formal statement of a set of business goals, the reasons they are believed attainable, and the plan for reaching those goals. It may also contain background information about the organization or team attempting to reach those goals. Source: Wikipedia.com

Web Articles/Short Stories/Essays:

• Starting a Business. Small Business Administration on SBA.gov (this should be your starting point)
• 12 Essential Characteristics of an Entrepreneur on ActionCoach.com
• Skills Every Successful Entrepreneur Must Master by Jayson Demers on Entrepreneur.com
• Should I Start a Business on About.com
• Reddit Entrepreneur, an on-line forum
• Interviews with Entrepreneurs on KhanAcademy.org

Books:

• EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey
• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau

Videos:

• Barriers to Starting a Business by Lara Hodgson on SmallBizClub.com
• Young Entrepreneurs, An Essential guide to Starting Your Own Business on SBA.gov

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• None at this time.

Other Quotes:

• “To be successful in business you don’t just need a great idea — you have to sell it. Don’t be afraid to sell. Don’t think of yourself as anything but a marketer.” – Susan Sobbott
• “Behind every small business, there’s a story worth knowing. All the corner shops in our towns and cities, the restaurants, cleaners, gyms, hair salons, hardware stores – these didn’t come out of nowhere.” – Paul Ryan

One-Point Lesson:

• None at this time.

Related Skills:

• Goal Setting.
• Time Management.
• Self-Discipline.
• Communicating Constructively.

Summary 2-page Lesson Examples:

• None at this time.

Introduction:

We make hundreds of decisions every day. Most are small, e.g. what should I have for dinner or should I allow the kids to play with a neighbor child? It is the bigger decisions that deserve conscious thought and planning, e.g. what car should I buy, which college should I attend or is it time to change jobs? These bigger decisions need a framework to guide us toward an answer. Decision making is choosing among various options. Good decision making processes guide us toward our personal goals and project objectives.

Skill Definition:

• I understand how I make decisions in various situations; I make them deliberately.
• I can list the pros and cons of my decision options and use this analysis to choose what’s best. I can make important decisions based on principles or criteria.

Key Learning Points:

• Bigger, more complex problems require a decision making process.
• Many decisions are made based on our personal or work values.
• Diversity of thought and experience adds perspective. Seek counsel when making your biggest decisions.

Faith Worldview:

• Include God in key decisions we make. Silently reflect to discern God’s plan for our lives. Consider how key decisions align with your life purpose.

Learning Path:

• Keep a list of decisions you make in a single day. How many are “big” decisions? Pick one to learn from.
• Use the Decision Making Template (below) to list options and criteria in your decision process.
• Involve others in your decision to get additional perspective.

Deeper Topics:

• Decision making comes in my “styles and forms”, for example autocratic vs. team-based, compromise vs. consensus, logical vs. emotional principle-based or pros/cons analysis.
• Values. Values are what we believe to be important in in life and work. We are guided, sometimes unconsciously, by what we hold dear. Examples of values are independence, creativity and flexibility. Take a look at this longer list of values and identify the values that guide your life.
• Team Decision Making. Some decisions are ours to make by ourselves, e.g. which clothes should I buy. Other decisions involve our employees, team members, families or friends, e.g. what is the start date for an important project or where should we go on vacation. Teams, with multiple points of view, add diversity and usually quality to the thought process and build ownership but may take longer. Know the difference between compromise and consensus.
• A decision making process is important for more complex decisions.
  • Clarify the decision to be made by describing the problem or issue.
  • List the alternatives (option development is as important as option analysis).
  • List the decision criteria or principles.
  • Evaluate each decision against the criteria.
  • Implement and monitor the decision (did the outcome achieve expectations?)
• Principle-based decision making. Many decisions involve two or more people, e.g. a family might work together to decide if they should move to another city or a work team might recommend a plan to launch a new product. Our individual decisions are guided by our values. But since each individual has their own unique set of values, common ground must be found in reaching a group consensus. Defining common “principles” is a way to guide decision making in a group. Click here to explore.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Consider using the Decision Making Template (below) as a practice exercise.

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• Quick Toss Exercise.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• What big decisions do you have to make to support your goals?
• How am I going to make these decisions?
• What are my core values?

Tools and Templates:

• Decision Making Template.

Word Definition:

• Principles. A fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.
• Compromise. An agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
• Consensus. A general agreement.

 Web Articles/Short Stories/Essays:

• How to Make Decisions by Ruth Hill on MindTools.com
• Different Decision Making Techniques on decision-making-solutions.com
• A God-Honoring Decision Making Process by Chris Patton on ChristianFaithatWork.com.
• An Approach to Good Choices on IgnatianSprirituality.com.
• Guide to Decision Making by Sheryle Gordon Beatty on TWU.com . A 2 page PDF.

Books:

• Time Magazine article: 39 Books to Help You Make Decisions in Life

Videos:

• How to Make Hard Choices by Ruth Chang on TED.com
• Decision Making Process by EasyPresentations on YouTube.com
• Tips to Improve the Decision Making Process by commLab India on YouTube.com discusses decision making in a business context.

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
• “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5 ESV

Other Quotes:

• “You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.” – Michelle Obama
• “It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” – Reema Chandnani

One-Point Lesson:

• None at this time.

 Related Skills:

• Goal Setting.
• Life Purpose.

 Summary 2-page Lesson Examples, coming soon:

• Personal – Decision-Making (handout).
• Personal – Decision-Making (with instructor notes).

 

Introduction:

Good habits propel us to achieve our goals while bad habits can keep us stuck where we are. Developing the habit of self-discipline will enable you to make the harder right choice to work toward your goals instead of procrastinating. Self-discipline is simply the ability to motivate yourself in spite of not feeling like working toward your goal in the moment. Qualities associated with self-discipline include willpower, hard work, and persistence. It’s helpful to think of self-discipline as a skill that can be strengthened more than a gift that some people are blessed with but not others.

Skill Definition:

• I can motivate myself to accomplish the important tasks in my life, directing me toward my goals.
• I have strategies and support systems that help me stay focused or get back on track when there are competing demands on my time or I lose my motivation.

Key Learning Points:

• Our lack of motivation is our biggest enemy, and each person needs to develop a personal strategy to overcome this to achieve our life purpose or live to our potential.
• Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger it becomes. Self-discipline involves acting according to what you want for the long term instead of how you feel in the moment.
• Self-discipline means sometimes giving up what up what you want now for what you want more. It may help to get in the habit of asking yourself, “Does this action move me closer to my goals or take me farther away from them?” to keep you motivated.

Faith Worldview:

Faith requires discipline just as accomplishing our goals requires discipline. Our ability to have a rich spiritual life is dependent on practicing the spiritual disciplines such as prayer, worship and stewardship, and we must practice self-discipline to have a fulfilling personal life. Exercising self-discipline keeps our efforts focused on serving God via our unique life purpose.

Self-discipline is important in any endeavor of life. It’s best defined as the ability to regulate one’s conduct by principle and sound judgment, rather than by impulse, desire, or social custom. Biblically, self-discipline may be summarized in one word: obedience. To exercise self-discipline is to avoid evil by staying within the bounds of God’s law. Source: Adapted from The Pillars of Christian Character by John MacArthur on Crosswalk.com.

Learning Path:

• Review the Goal Setting topic. Select one important goal you want to achieve in the next three months. This may be part of a larger goal, but select something that you can achieve in no more than three months.
• Answer the questions below honestly:
  • What is my motivation?
  • Who is my support system to help keep me on track?
  • What strategies will help me stay on track?
  • What interim rewards can I give myself to stay motivated?
•  Break this goal into monthly actions. Break the monthly actions into weekly actions. Break the weekly actions into daily actions and schedule them on your calendar.
• Ask someone to be your accountability partner to check-in on your progress every week or two.

Deeper Topics:

• Understand that discipline is a function of commitment and goal setting. Some people may be born with more natural discipline, but we can all develop it and use this to achieve our goals.
• Create the systems in your life that make it harder to not exercise self-discipline. For example, if you want to exercise more, keep your gym bag or your walking shoes in your car; if you want to lose weight, pack healthy snacks to take with you the night before; if you want to spend more time reading and less time with electronic media, move your computer to an inconvenient location, etc.
• Each day, identify one or two important tasks that you will accomplish that move you closer to your goals. They don’t have to be big or time-consuming tasks but ones that move you forward.
• Monitor your “self-talk” and eliminate the excuses. Listen to this is that voice in your head for a few days. Is it offering you encouragement or distraction? Ask yourself, “Would I be friends with someone who talked to me the way I talk to myself?” If the answer is No, practice speaking to yourself in a way that a supportive friend would talk to you.

Below are statements you should eliminate from your vocabulary. They only serve to discourage instead of encourage, and you need to become your own encourager and cheerleader.

–What’s the point of all of this?
–Why bother? Remember last time you tried something like that?
–I’m not good enough. I don’t have what it takes. I’m too fat/ugly/skinny/shy etc.
–Let’s go do something else. Let’s just watch some TV for a little bit.
-We’ll do it later. No need to get started right now.

As Nike commercials tell us, Just “do it”! Don’t wait to “feel like it”. As author Karen Lamb said, “A year from now you may wish you started today”. We all feel unmotivated sometimes, so the key is to figure out how to get yourself motivated when you don’t feel like it, and this differs for each of us. Find what works for you and then go achieve your dreams.

• Exercising self-discipline can make the difference between accomplishing something extraordinary with your life or realizing less than your full potential. Lack of self-discipline may show up as missing a commitment, e.g. task not done or a behavior issue, e.g. getting angry, etc.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• None at this time.

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• None at this time.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• Do I have “mental clutter”? What am I going to do about it?
• How can I improve my self-discipline to better serve God?
• Where in my life does procrastination exist? Where do I have self-discipline? Why?
• How can I apply the self-discipline skills I have to areas of my life where I don’t have as much self-discipline?

Tools and Templates:

• None at this time.

Word Definition:

• Self-Discipline. Discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with self-control. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine the best course of action that opposes one’s (immediate) desires. Source: Wikipedia.

 Web Articles/Short Stories/Essays:

• Learning Self-Discipline by John MacArthur on www.gty.org

Books:

• The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life – Master Any Skill or Challenge by Learning to Love the Process by Thomas M. Sterner
• The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It by Kelly McGonigal
• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg

Videos:

• Eat That Frog. Source: Brian Tracy, linked to YouTube but here is his main web site.

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
• “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Other Quotes:

• “Happiness is dependent on self-discipline. We are the biggest obstacles to our own happiness. It is much easier to do battle with society and with others than to fight our own nature.” – Dennis Prager, journalist
• “By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character.” – Glenville Kleiser, author
• “Self-discipline is an act of cultivation. It requires you to connect today’s actions to tomorrow’s results. There’s a season for sowing a season for reaping. Self-discipline helps you know which is which.” – Gary Ryan Blair, businessman
• “The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” – Bum Phillips, coach
• “We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

One-Point Lesson:

• Purpose-Goals-Tasks.

 Related Skills:

• Goal Setting.
• Time Management.
• Positive Thinking.

 Summary 2-page Lesson Examples, coming soon:

• Self-Discipline 1 (for younger teens).
• Self-Discipline 1 (for younger teens with instructor notes).
• Self-Discipline 2 (for older teens and adults).
• Self-Discipline 2 (for older teens and adults with instructor notes).

Introduction:

A habit is something we routinely and sometimes unconsciously do. There are good habits (brushing our teeth, fastening seat belts) and bad habits (smoking, talking with mouth full). They are important elements of our unique lives but they best serve us when done choicefully.

Skill Definition:

• I actively choose my habits to shape my life in productive ways.

Key Learning Points:

• Everyone has good and bad habits but they can be added or changed. Be deliberate; choose how you live your life then act with discipline. Surround yourselves with people who actively support you in making good choices.
• Habit change is a combination of knowledge (what), desire (why) and skill (how).

Faith Worldview:

• Some of our habits are shaped by our faith beliefs, e.g. daily prayer, going to church or “love our neighbor”. Pray that the Holy Spirit directs your habits to honor God.

Learning Path:

• Take some time to reflect on the habits you have established in your life. Decide which ones are serving you well and which are not. Set a personal goal to develop one new good habit (or undo one bad habit).
• Decide how you will implement the habit. If you are developing a new skill then research the topic by searching for advice.
• Develop the structure to remember and practice, e.g. a note in your to-do list or post-it someplace obvious.
• Develop a deeper understanding of the real reasons why a habit continues.
• Reward yourself for positive change.

Deeper Topics:

• Creating Good Habits. Habits are powerful. They bring about change one step at a time, and they help you ensure that these changes become part of your life. However, you’re far more likely to reach your goal if you make your new habits part of your regular routine. Follow these steps to make good habits stick:
  • Identify what you want to achieve.
  • Build good habits into your routine.
  • Reflect on your habits.
  • Develop self-discipline.
  • Get support.

When you decide to establish new habits in your life, focus on one at a time. If you try to overhaul your entire schedule at once, you’ll likely get overwhelmed and quickly revert to old behaviors. Source: The Power of Good Habits on MindTools.com.

• Breaking Bad Habits. To break a bad habit, first commit to stopping the behavior by creating a plan, and develop self-discipline and self-awareness so that you can stay on track. Also, choose the right approach for dealing with it, reward yourself when you do well, and involve others in your efforts. Source: Breaking Bad Habits on MindTools.com
• Stick With It. On average, it takes more than two months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. Source: How Long Does It Take refers to a Phillippa Lally study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology.
• Addictions. If a bad habit is also an addiction, seek professional help.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Exercise 1. List some good and bad habits you have? How did those habits start…family, friends?
• Exercise 2. Which of the following habits would you like to have?

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• The above exercises should work.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• What good habits do you need to put into your life to accomplish your most important goals?
• What bad habits are holding me back? How did these habits start?
• If I could add/subtract/change just one habit in my life, what would it be? Why?

Tools and Templates:

• None at this time.

Word Definition:

• Habit. A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

 Web Sites/Web Articles/Short Stories/Essays:

• Spiritual Habits (My Super-Charged Life)
• Breaking Bad Habits on MindTools.com

Books:

• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (pdf summary). He writes another one titled The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens (pdf summary).
• Transform Your Habits by James Clear (on-line pdf).
• The Power of Habit.

Videos:

• Bad Habits – How to Break Bad Habits the Easy Way by Noah Hammond on YouTube

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13 (ESV)

Other Quotes:

• “Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.” – Aristotle
• “The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” – Samuel Johnson
• “A bad habit never disappears miraculously. It’s an undo-it-yourself project.” – Abigail Van Buren

One-Point Lesson:

• None at this time.

Related Skills:

• Goal Setting.
• Self-Discipline.

Summary 2-page Lesson Examples, coming soon:

• Life Habits (handout)
• Life Habits (with instructor notes)

Introduction:

You become what you think. If you believe you can do something you probably will. The moment you stop believing in yourself is the moment your quest will end. Positive thinking comes easily for some people but must be worked at for others. Positive thinking people are happier, healthier and more successful. Life is more fun. Learning occurs continuously and helps make you a better person.

Skill Definition:

• I monitor my self-talk and can turn negative thoughts into positive ones.

Key Learning Points:

• Surround yourself with people who make you a better person, those with positive thinking and attitudes.
• You talk to yourself throughout the day and most of the time you aren’t even aware. Monitor your self-talk.
• Most beliefs can be changed.

Faith Worldview:

• “God gave you a mind, and He expects you to fill it with good things. When your mind is full of thoughts consistent with his love, your mind is exactly the way He means for it to be. When your heart is full of emotions that are consistent with his love, your emotions are healthy, and your heart is exactly the way God means for it to be.” Source: Christian Positive Thinking

Learning Path:

• Maintain a journal of your self-talk for one or more of your typical days. How much is positive?
• Practice various techniques and find one that works for you, e.g. monitoring self-talk, affirmations or visualization.
• Develop an understanding of your emotions and their underlying beliefs. Practice finding and substituting positive beliefs.

Deeper Topics:

• Self-talk. “Patterns of negative or positive self-talk often start in childhood. Usually, the self-talk habit is one that’s colored our thinking for years, and can affect us in many ways, influencing the experience of stress to our lives. However, any time can be a good time to change it! The first step toward change is to become more aware of the problem. You probably don’t realize how often you say negative things in your head, or how much it affects your experience.” Source: Develop the Positive Self Talk Habit! by Elizabeth Scott on About.com
• Affirmations. Affirmations positive phrases which you repeat to yourself which describe how you want to be. Examples include: “I am confident socially and enjoy meeting new people” or “I always make healthy choices”. Source: FreeAffirmations.org
• Visualization. This is a mental technique that uses the imagination to make dreams and goals come true. By visualizing a certain event, situation, or an object, you attract it into our life.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Know Your Beliefs.  This is one of the Dreambook pages.
• Keep track of your personal thoughts over the next week. How many are negative and how may are positive? Ask yourself if a positive belief can be substituted for a negative one. Example: I am stuff in traffic and feeling stressed. My negative belief is that I’m late or wasting my time. A substituted positive belief might be to think that this is a good time to enjoy some peace and quiet by listening to music.
• Practice positive thinking. Replace negative self-talk with positive, some examples:

Negative self-talk:	Positive self-talk:
I’ve never done it before.	It’s an opportunity to learn something.
It’s too complicated.	I’ll tackle it from a different angle.
I don’t have the resources.	Necessity is the mother of invention.

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• Make Attitude Acrostics, Attitude Inventory and Turn It Around are 3 activities on About.com

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• When I stop to listen to the voice in my head, “what do I hear”?
• What aspect of your life is most important right now? How can a positive attitude help you?

Tools and Templates:

• Know Your Beliefs.
• ABC’s of Positive Thinking on alzonline.edu
• Positive Attitude Worksheet on sftawareness.org

Word Definition:

• Self-talk. Mental talking: the things that an individual says to himself or herself mentally.
• Affirmation. A positive statement or declaration of the truth or existence of something.

Web Articles:

• Why a Positive Mindset Makes All the Difference For Your Health on HealthAmbition.com
• Maximum Strength Positive Thinking by David Abbott, M.D. on PositiveSelfTalk.com
• How to Learn Positive Thinking and Self-Talk by Alan Searing on ezinearticles.com
• Can Positive Thinking Really Improve Your Life? by Jonathan Wells on AdvancedLifeSkills.com
• What You Think You Become on by Luminita Saviuc on Purpose Fairy
• Beliefs: What We Accept as True on EmotionalCompetency.com

Books:

• Loving What Is by Byron Katie
• The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr..Norman Vincent Peale

Videos:

• Positive Thoughts by Wayne Dyer on YouTube

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 ESV

Other Quotes:

• “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
• “Being miserable is a habit; being happy is a habit; and the choice is yours.” – Tom Hopkins
• “The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” – Oprah Winfrey

One-Point Lesson:

• None at this time.

Related Skills:

• Goal Setting.

Summary 2-page Lesson Examples, coming soon:

• Positive Thinking (for teens).
• Positive Thinking.

Introduction:

There are dozens of emotions that are a part of everyday life and can guide us in our personal growth. We tend to make a positive (happiness, love) or negative (grief, anger) association toward our emotions but when we realize that each of us react differently then we can see that our emotions are personal or even subjective. This page focuses on more on dealing with negative emotions and addresses them in a general way.

Skill Definition:

• I can identify the emotions that I feel.
• I can respond to the emotions I feel with productive behaviors.

Key Learning Points:

• Emotions are a normal and needed in our lives but we need to embrace them by seeking productive responses.
• As we become more self-aware we can identify triggers of our emotions (and therefore avoid emotional traps).
• Our beliefs (about ourselves and the world) shape our emotions. If we can understand our beliefs then we can have the hope of reshaping negative beliefs into positive ones.

Faith Worldview:

• “Emotions are truly a gift from God. When rightly experienced they bring vibrant color to our life of worship, work, and play. When out of sync they can tyrannically wreak havoc in our lives, enslaving us and causing collateral damage to relationships. They are great servants, but horrible masters.” Source: The Gift of Emotions, link removed.

Learning Path:

• Identify and link your feelings with the words that describe them. Note the subtle differences between them, e.g. sadness vs. “feeling down” vs. depression. Click here or here for a starter list.
• Monitor your emotions for a day or longer. See if you have some dominant or recurring negative feelings. This may cause you to focus on the details.
• Identify coping strategies with a targeted emotion.
• Seek to understand your negative beliefs then reshape them with positive beliefs. Refer to the Mind-Made Prison

Deeper Topics:

• Emotional Triggers. “Triggers are products of some past event. Remember that the situation is not happening now, it already occurred and you need to remain focused on the present. Take three deep breaths. Breathing deeply and fully signals your parasympathetic system to respond by generating as sense of relaxation.” Source: How to Deal with Emotional Triggers, link removed.
• Expressing our Emotion. Holding our emotions quietly within us may be appropriate for the specific moment but it is usually not good in the long run. We need to find a way to share our feelings with a loved one or friend.
• Respond (not react). Reacting is instinctual but if your behavior is unproductive then it is better to “think, then respond”.
• Coping Strategies. Learn assertive behavior (e.g. constructive criticism rather than aggressiveness), deep breathing, exercise and aromatherapy are examples. With practice and feedback you will learn what works best for you in given situations.
• Change Your Beliefs. First, we must become aware of our thoughts. This requires us to be “present” or “in the moment”. Awareness then enables inquiry or analysis of our thoughts and beliefs. With analysis comes understanding (of the possible reasons for our reactions) and finally the opportunity to change our beliefs. Imagine sitting in an unexpected traffic jam. At first, stress may be the emotion because you are running late. A potential positive belief might be that this is a great time to enjoy some music and quiet personal time.
• Emotional Intelligence. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. Source: Wikipedia
• Professional help. If emotions result in destructive or unproductive behavior, seek professional advice.

Exercises for Older Teens and Adults:

• Complete the Dealing with Our Emotions Worksheet (link below).
• Personal Growth Exercises on EQ Institute
• The Work by Katie Byron.  The Work is a simple yet powerful process of self-directed inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the thoughts that cause suffering. It’s a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to address the cause of your problems with clarity.  Extensive videos and worksheets are available for free.

Exercises for Younger Teens (13-16):

• See Personal Growth Exercises above.

Questions to Encourage Critical Thinking:

• If life was devoid of emotion, what would it be like?
• Why do you assign “positive” or negative” when you talk about your emotions? Can a negative emotion be positive?
• Can you identify experiences from earlier in your life, even childhood, that are causing you to feel as you do?
• What beliefs do you have that cause this emotion? Can you think of a positive belief to replace a negative one?

Tools and Templates:

• Dealing with Our Emotions Worksheet. Source: Newlife-Counseling.com
• My Fears, How I Feel and other various worksheets on TherapistAid.com

Word Definition:

• Emotion. A heightened feeling: a strong feeling about somebody or something.
• Trigger. A stimulus for something: a stimulus that sets off an action, process, or series of events.
• Belief. Acceptance of truth of something: acceptance by the mind that something is true or real, often underpinned by an emotional or spiritual sense of certainty.

Books:

• The Mind-Made Prison by Mateo Tabatabai
• Loving What Is by Byron Katie

Web Articles/Short Stories/Essays:

• Start Dealing with Emotions More Effectively By Checking The Emotion List on The-Emotions.com
• Dealing With Negative Emotions on SelfImprovementMentor.com
• Managing Emotions on BatonRougeCounseling.net
• Dealing with Emotional Triggers by Carrie Kitze

Videos:

• Dealing with Difficult Emotions by ZenLifeCoach (audio only)
• How to deal with emotions by Christine Hassler

Quotes:

Faith-Based Quotes:

• “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 ESV
• “The patient are better than warriors, and those who rule their temper, better than the conqueror of a city.” Proverbs 16:32

Other Quotes:

• “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” – Helen Keller

One-Point Lesson:

• Dealing with Emotions.

Related Skills:

• Positive Thinking.
• Communicating Constructively.

Summary 2-page Lesson Examples:

• None are currently available.